Forgiving an abuser

Abuse comes in many forms: Emotional, neglect, sexual, and many others. All of which can be crippling to the healthiest of persons. Abuse, scars us for life. We spend hours a day sometimes recreating that abuse throughout our lives. Abuse can come from anyone in our lifetime; A boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, parent, sibling, friend, boss or co-worker and even ourselves.

What abuse does to us can take a lifetime to get over or maybe never get over. The world around us is full of abused people and needs a savior! Jesus is that savior. I have experienced healing from Him and can testify only to what I have seen Him do in my life. 

If you have children then you know better than anyone when something is wrong with them, especially as babies. You know when they didn't get enough sleep, what they will do! Missed a feeding, what they will do. If you look at them wrong, what they will do! So we do what's best for them, we adjust to each child in the way they will understand what's needed.

As an adult where do we put that responsibility? On ourselves? Spouse? Grown kids? Job fulfillment? Friends? Our Church? Any or all of the above give us a false sense of security because there is only One way to meet that need. God! He is the only one that knows everything about us. He is the only one who knows what abuse you have been through. He is also the only one that can comfort a hurting soul through healing.

I’ve suffered emotional abuse in past relationships that have left me so changed, I don’t recognize myself sometimes. Some are good ways and some bad. Those lies replay in my head over and over. The worst part about it is they mostly pop up at the very moment I feel the least bit hopeful about relationships. I immediately hear how I’m not enough, I must not do enough, pray enough, be good enough. I know those are not from God and my failures toward Him. It’s from my earthly relationships I’ve been in. So not only did the other person abuse me, I am continuing that abuse on myself.

I recognize it and I do my best to pull out of those thoughts through prayer and the Word of God that is in my heart. I decided to share in this process to hold myself accountable to me, my child, my family and those that I am continually around. I know that if I were to remain in that mindset that’s how people can become depressed.

I do not feel depressed, just moments of despair. I can assure you that God never returns void in those moments. I actually believe those moments are very necessary to create change and move in opposition of that pain. When you move the other direction you end up with relief, opposite of pain.  God’s word leaves us with all the answers we need, but we must seek.

I have amazing family and friends and co-workers that have been there for me through good and bad and will remain that way because of God’s grace!  Pray for me as I pray for you and welcome any sharing you may have. God Bless!

Believing.....faith.....good works? How does it all work anyways? Part 3

     So I have "talked the talk" about believing, and I have "talked the talk" about having faith, but can I "WALK THE WALK".  "Walking the Walk" or "Good Deeds" in the Christian life is the most important thing we can do! James 2:26 For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.
Unfortunately the Christian world has a hard time balancing this in our lives.  It is easy to say things, but when the time comes to show our belief, we can grow weak and scared or lazy.  Some may be because we have not yet come to know how true to God's word He is, or maybe because are scared of our own failures and afraid God will not show Himself to us and those around us. 
     Just like any relationship we have, we must step out with action to prove, and be proven to that  we mean what we say.  When you tell someone you love them, the only way they will know is by your actions.  The same goes for our heavenly father! He loved us first and called out to us, in return we responded with the exceptance of His Son and the belief that He died on the cross to save us from our sins, and rose from the dead so that we may have eternal life.  The bible tells us that is all we need to be saved, but the bible also tells us that faith without works is dead.  We as christians can not just walk around saying we are believers and move on peoples lives that way God wants us to be used if we are not active in showing Who Christ is. 
     I have met and regretfully fell for people who all they were was words!  It is such a painful relationship when the other person is only full of empty promises and never delivers them.  I am not saying that I have never done this, but was never my intention to tell someone I will do something or give them something knowing that I will not follow through.  There is nothing more we are to do then worship God and SHOW God to those around us.  When those two components of a believer are joined, God does His work that only He can do. 
     If you are in a place feeling unfullfilled in your walk, it could be that your life is not open to being used at this time which I believe most of us struggle with.  Busy work is not always God's work!  We must learn to weed out the busy work from God's work, it is hard at times when it seems we are busy serving our family all the time.  God first, family second but there are times when God being first will require us to step out of our comfort zone and serve outside the home, maybe in someone elses. He may even want your own family to sacrifice at a uncomfortable level.  This is tough but there is no greater way to show how wonderful God's people are and no greater way to be rewarded in your own life than to go where God calls you to go when He calls you to do it!  Hearing comes from the word of God and works is putting that in to action. 
     The Lord tells us to not grow wearing in doing good but to do all that we do, unto Him.  It is easy to get discouraged when no one around you seems to be getting it, but you have no idea what God is doing behind the scenes in other peoples lives to get them to a place of belief.  That IS God's promise, and knowing that, is what needs to drive us to act "good" to ALL those around us, not just those who act good to us. 
     It is my prayer that you and I together can pray, read, and receive the guidance to lead others to Christ in all our actions and that the devil loses ground all over the world.  We see all the bad actions and it is scary but God has already won!  Lets's win over the lost with love!

Believing.....faith.....good works? How does it all work anyways? Part 2

Faith! Probably one of the most thrown around words of a believer! What does faith actually mean and what does it look like? Hebrews 11:1 tells us that Faith is being sure of what you hope for and believing in what you do not see.
I have faced so many moments where I had to believe in the unseen and act on faith that I would make it!
I was extremely sick growing up and never realized how important my faith was until I was told I was dying at the age of 21.  Faith can really be put to the test....but how else is our Faith muscle exercised??  There would be no other way for God to reveal himself to us as human beings without creating or allowing circumstances to believe in Him and what He is able to do.  If you are anything like me, when things are going great, God becomes smaller, but when disaster hits....uh oh, where is God?  God help me??!!!  We begin to seek and find answers to Gods will, that only He can provide, because He is faithful even when we are not.  We serve a mighty and all knowing God....what doesn't make sense to us...WILL to HIM!
I would love to say that I never let worldy places and worldy people get involved in my faith, but those are the hardest influences to keep out of our decisions about what we believe!  I would also love to say that just believing in GOD of the bible was enough, but it is not! We must learn what the bible says...it IS God Himself who spoke the words and orchestrated what happened in the bible.  The sooner we let ourselves have faith that that is the way it is... the sooner we can obey the word and let it come alive in our lives.  There is no other way to increase your faith, but through obedience to His word.  The more word you have the easier it becomes to make faith based actions. 
The more I am out of the word, the harder it becomes to hear Gods voice about what He wants me to do.  I am there now!  I have not filled myself daily with what He wants for my life so the things I am facing are seeming impossible to do.  They are not I know, but because it is Gods will that I am searching for, these temporary highs of life and valleys of life are not satisfying my goal of having Gods perfect will in my life.  I love the people and places in my life and let that take hold of my daily living instead of learning first what God wants me to do today.  It takes daily giving up yourself and daily taking of Gods self to accomplish the full view of Gods love in our lives. 
To receive the Faith that moves mountains begin with Gods word daily and He will tell you what to pray, where to go, who to love and bring others into your life that will increase your faith...not destroy it!!! 
God bless you today and may the God of love fill your heart with the desire to love and seek him daily! Pray for me as I will be praying for you!!!!!!!

Believing....faith...good works? How does it even work? PART 1

     When I accepted Christ in my heart.....the ONLY thing that I was sure of, was the feeling that I had that I had never felt before!  I knew I HAD to make that decision.  Without faithful friends and family getting me to church, I am not sure how that oppurtunity would have worked.  I knew nothing about what was to follow, what following Christ meant, what faith meant and what good deeds was going to do for me!
     Honestly, I think it is healthy to re-evalute what all of that means throughout your Christian walk once you have spent time learning what it means.  Believing is a tricky word and used very losely.  Lots of people say they believe in many things, but when put to the test...not only will they not put IT to the test, but they know absolutely nothing about what it is they say they are believing in.  So when you get to the topic of believing in an all knowing, all powerful creator of time and everything in it..........people want proof! Proof of existance! 
     I love to workout (big surprise for those who know me) but it wasnt always evident!  I remember since about 12 yrs old falling in love with lifting weights and going with my dad to his gym.  I loved the days of lifting in soccer when I was in high school but couldn't keep it up because of health issues.  Two years ago the doctors were able to help me with some of those issues and I decided to get back at it.  Some people thought it was just a moment for me, but that passion and desire has only gotten stronger. It takes works, but it is the evidence of the unseen that made others believe that the steps I was taking were working.  Those around me began to see the results and began asking me what I was doing.  They wanted details, specifics, a lay out of how I did it. They saw proof!!!!!!  I began writing workouts down for people, some joined me in the workout, and began to get results too.  That is exactly the way it works with Christianity!  Unseen....evidence...BELIEF!  What do you give to people when they ask? SCRIPTURE, GOD'S LIVING WORD.  If you don't have it memorized, give them the bible.  God tell us to always be ready to give an answer for our Belief (hope)!  1 Peter 3:15  Always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason^[c] for the hope that is in you. When your life becomes a testimony.....know what it is and be ready to share!
     When I truely believe in something, it is because I have experienced it myself.  As I have grown as a believer, each experience with God has caused me to believe more in what I claim.  Just as I said in my previous blog, you learn who people are by your experience with them, just as they do with you!  So if you have taken the step to say yes to Christ, and have been taught that He is a living God; who communicates by the Holy Spirit, you can only learn to trust Him by having a REAL relationship with Him, with REAL experiences...that is your proof! You begin to see the evidence of God in everything.  You begin to trust Him and rely on His word to guide you because of your belief in your experiences, NOT the experiences of others.  People around you will begin to see the evidence of what you say you believe as well.  There is your seed you are planting in those around you.  While praying for your life to show the evidence to others, God will speak to their hearts (in His timing).  Never give up......never quit showing others.....that is why a believers life is a life long journey.  We will never stop learning about who our Father is and will never fully understand His love and power until the day we are in heaven!!!  It is possible to lose sight of what you believe if you do not stay in it.  Don't let the fire and passion begin to fade and let darkness set in! Your fire needs to remain bright so more people can see it.  The bigger the fire, the more attention you will get and that is why the devil attacks the smallest spark with disbelief! 
    

Shawshank Redemption....

Ever seen this movie? One of the greatest in my book! It's a story of men facing injustice, consequence, abuse, wilderness times, day to day turmoil and redemption!
There is also so much to learn from it and the process if imprisonment....to freedom. I have never been in prison, as most people that will read this have not, but most of us has been through the process, if we are adults and ever suffered with things in our past.

Brooks, from the movie, spent 50 years in Shawshank and was released. You might think freedom from those 4 walls would be everything he could want. That was not the case....he was terrified enough to threaten another friends life just to stay there then take his own! Crazy right? Not really!.....................

We do the same thing when reliving our past! When we are young it seemed easy to recognize hurt feelings and unjust behavior because those were new feelings, but a years went on, things become less of a shock and less painful because our pain tolerance has built up because of those experiences!
So like those walls become home to long term prisoners, so does our pain! Psalm 69:33 “For the Lord hears the needy and does not despise his own people who are prisoners.”
When God calls you to become a believer....things change! It is God who changes us, but it is our decision to allow that changing to create action in our lives.  Get out of that prison you are in, no matter what put you there.  There are people who are there because of others, and people who have put themselves there.  God will always use your situation to glorify himself and show you how merciful and gracious His presence is!  IN HIS TIMING!

We have to start living, not according to our old behavior, but according to the word of God. When we accepted Him as the Lord over our lives, change must happen! 2 Corinthians 5:17 ¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:^[a] The old has gone, the new is here! If you stay on the wrong side of the believers life, the darkness causes guilt and unhappiness.  God's word says that no darkness can remain where there is light.  As a believer (accepting Christ in your heart and being led by the Holy Spirit) you are the light of the world now!  John 9:55 While I am in the world, I am the light of the world."  This is good news for you and all who you know, because you may be the only light that some people see.  If anyone on Earth has a reason to be joyfull, it is BELIEVERS!  We have been saved by grace (nothing we did) and given the gift of eternal life (through the death and resurection of Jesus).........ETERNITY IN GODS PRESENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Ever been shaken, desparate for God's prescence, and love when listening to the Mercy Me song like I do every time....."I can only Imagine"? I can not even begin to imagine what heaven will be like in the prescence of the LORD! Experience your own redemption by giving Christ the power to tear down your walls of imprisonment from your past! Psalm 139:12 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

Planning your future...to create a new past!

     What would I change, if I could, since April 5th 1976?  Hmm.....LOTS!  How much of that was within my control? That is what I must recreate for my future, and for the future of all the people of my life.  What kind of mom am I, what kind of daughter, what kind of sister, what kind of friend, what kind of leader, what kind of co-worker and most of all....what kind of BELIEVER am I?
     I love to think about all the wonderful memories of all the feel good moments with people and experiences in my life.  I try to recreate those moments for my daughter and create ones that I maybe dreamed of having.  I still have a long long ways to go on some of those dreams. 
     I also have to take inventory of the bad moments and experiences that I have been through, and try my best to NOT let those into my life with my family.  In order to do this I have to take inventory of any hurt someone else caused me, as well as the hurt or wrong action I had.  It is hard to recognize sometimes because some of those actions were more of a response to the years of hurt that the other person had done to me.  It still does not make it right,  and I must take accountability.  I think of the mistakes I have made with my daughter, and am so grateful for forgiveness.  She always hears my apology, and accepts my mistakes, and is ready to move on.  She will remember the apology more than the mistake IF I move on to correct that behavior.  God deals with us in the same way.....CONVICTION SHOULD ALWAYS LEAD TO REPENTANCE.....AND REPENTANCE SHOULD ALWAYS LEAD TO RENEWAL! Renewal is the fruit (evidence to others)of our salvation...the belief in God in that He is able to heal EVERYTHING and SAVE anyone who calls out to Him!  What better future can you plan than that of seeing all your loved ones in Heaven with you.  Colossians 3:2 Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth.
     Our minds are always in the wrong place if we lose sight of why we are here to begin with.  We were created for ONE reason....to WORSHIP OUR MAKER!  How many people do you know in your life who actually live this way.  It is hard for us to see past the sin and destruction that exsist everywhere to be able to see the true beauty of God and His creation.  When I think of creation, I think of it as the earth and all the splendor a beautiful landscape can make me feel, but God created US in HIS image....doesn't that mean that WE are His Masterpeice?  Yes it does........is He sad by where we have gone.....Yes He IS!  If you are a believer, you are to be set apart from those who disbelieve.  But.....we are to love all people because we are all His creation. Christians seem to be the biggest stumbling block to unbelievers when their actions are out of line with their words, and SATAN is the biggest stumbling block to Christians! Matthew 16:23 "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men." In order to live this way, and change our future to have a wonderful past.....we must focus on who God is and what He wants in and out of our lives. Until we realize that our ETERNITY is at stake and what Hell holds.....our past will continue to control our future! -Tennille Queen


                            PROTECT YOURSELF WITH THE FULL ARMOR OF GOD!
                                                           ACTS 17:11
     -The belt of Truth -The Breastplate of Rightousness -fit your feet with the Gospel of Peace
    - The shield of Faith  -The Helmet of Salvation - The Sword of the Spirit

Addiction to the past and overcoming it with God's purpose!

     It is in our nature to go back to what we already know.  This is something that I believe God ordained....but we have lost in generations as to what that training should be.  Proverbs 22:6 tell us to Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
That tells me that we will ALWAYS go back to what we were taught.  There are so many things we do as people that are done just because that is the way our parents did it, or don't do, because our parents never did it that way.  If you are a believer, it is necessary to learn how God would do it!  It is so important to teach our own children how to love, live and rely on God for the source of their strength, we must know for ourselves though.  I am grateful that I had a mother who loved me unconditionally and did her best to not restrict who I was or could be.  Not everyone had that and live under the belief that they must revert back to a life of hurt and pain to feel alive.  It is familiar, so it seems more comfortable than a life of peace and quite.  When that quiteness hits and you do not know how to listen to God in that moment......familiar memories begin to scream at you!  Good and Bad!

The same goes in relationships from the past.  Past experiences teach us about who others are and what they are capable of.  It also teaches how we are and what we are capable of.  I look back at relationships I have had with friends, boyfriends and family and find myself in disbelief how some can bring out the absolute worst in me and some the best!  Focus on the best and what qualities and characteristics those people have, and stick to them like glue.  More importantly....focus on being that for 0thers and setting your life up for God's oppurtunity to speak through you!  There will never be anything that changes you more than being used by God.  God always brings about His favor, His people, His love to overcome ANY trial His child if facing.  He never fails! For those who were not taught about the Lord as a child and are just learning that there is a God, you will KNOW He is there when you do this.  All the sick and twisted ways of this world will no longer control your actions, your heart and your thoughts.  Reading God's word will begin to align your thoughts and your actions to His word, which will only cause you to BELIEVE!  God tells us in Matthew 17:20 - You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." 

That verse tells me that the people He was speaking to, could go from having VERY LITTLE FAITH (most people) to having UNMOVABLE FAITH.  That, to me, is Hope at its best!  So remember the past, but change the future and live out a new addiction in your life- CHRIST!

-Tennille Queen

suggested reading: "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Myer
suggested group study: "Experiencing God" by Henry T Blackaby & Claude V King
suggested individual study: 'Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warrren